The holidays can be a magical time for families.  It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together.  For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as one.

For some families however, Christmas can become a source of stress akin to the prospect of being taken to court, or being told that you need a root canal procedure.  It hovers over us like an awful, destructive relationship, and for some, their only means of escape is booze.  Christmas is about giving to others and recognizing the many ways that we have been blessed throughout the year.  Yet, for many, it can be a challenge to break out of old patterns and learn to have fun without drinking or drugging.

For those families who live with addiction, the holidays can be a challenging time.  Not knowing what to expect from the addict can leave family members on edge.  Because the problem is often kept quiet, the anxiety of the secret being exposed causes even further stress.  Many times, family members will avoid social functions out of their fear of shame or embarrassment.

To make matters worse, alcoholic beverages are usually a mainstay at holiday gatherings.  If a family member has an alcohol dependency, this causes yet another strain.  The person with the alcohol dependency is left feeling like a child being watched, and the family members are unable to relax out of their fear of their loved one losing control.  It's no wonder that holiday arguments are a common theme for families dealing with addiction.

Christmas is about the birth of Jesus.  Though it is true that part of the story includes mention of gifts being given by three kings, there is nothing in the story about anyone stressing themselves crazy with unreal expectations.  And nowhere in the story is there anything about taking on the stress that can be potentially detrimental to the family’s mental health, the well being of the addicted individual or his or her family, or his or her ability to focus on the wonder of the birth of the baby Jesus.

Therefore, here are a few tips for removing the stress from the season, so you can minimize holiday pressures and create your own measure of peace on earth.

• Pick and Choose Holiday Events:  When the holidays bring a myriad of invitations to office parties, gatherings and charity events, view them as options rather than obligations.  Select a few holiday events that you most want to attend.  Stretching yourself too thin will only result in feelings of burnout.
• Create New Traditions:  Holidays can be a difficult time for many of us, as we are reminded of people we’ve lost through heartbreak or death.  Give yourself permission to create brand new traditions that celebrate the present moment.  Treat your family to a Christmas Eve dinner out, institute a yearly game of touch football, or simply read a favorite book together each year.
• Schedule Time for Relaxation:  So often, we forget to take time to ourselves during the holidays.  Schedule a spa day, workout session, or simply a “day off” from holiday stress and simply enjoy yourself.
• Reflect on the Spirit of the Season:  The holidays were intended to be times of deep reflection.  Take time to attend a church service, sit and meditate on the changing seasons, or read spiritual texts.

Party checklist:  Staying away from sticky situations!

Avoid gatherings where you know that you'll be the only non-drinker, or where people will be drinking excessively.  If you do go, consider limiting your time and promise yourself that you will leave if you feel uncomfortable.

If you're at a party, keep an eye on your glass and make sure that it doesn't get mixed up with someone else's, or topped off when you're not looking.

Make sure that you know what support is available (voluntary/statutory agencies, Alcoholics Anonymous, etc.) over Christmas.
Gather together a list of friends/family/support contacts that you can rely on for support, should you find yourself needing it.

We welcome your comments.